Thursday, March 26, 2009

Introducing: The Heel to Toe Happy Hour

I think I am onto something: The Heel to Toe Happy Hour.

The idea came to me the other day when I was picking up my daughter from afterschool care. While she gathered her stuff, I paced the room. I found myself walking heel to toe. Helplessly, I thought of roadside sobriety tests.

My balance is way off and I'm a fairly clumsy guy. I couoldn't pass the heel to toe sobriety test when I am stone sober. But I did notice that I got a little better at it the other day, the longer I did it.

Then it occurred to me that a little practice in heel to toe walking might not be a bad idea for someone who was driving home after having a couple of drinks - enough for Officer Friendly to smell alcohol and call for some roadside walking games.

So I thought it would be a clever idea for bars to have Heel to Toe Happy Hours, where people loosen up over a beer or two and practice those roadside moves that might make the difference between getting back in your car and driving home or going for a ride to the station house in the back of the cruiser.

Mind you, I am not trying to offer an escape route for drunk drivers. As a father, I want those guys off the road - or busted when they are on it. I am talking about the clumsy guy with beer on the breath but a fresh head for driving.

Though I have never been ticketed for anything worse than speeding, I'll admit I have been taken to the station once for a sobriety test. Why? Because I failed the heel to toe perp walk so miserably!

I told the cop, when she asked for it, "If you are going to base your decision on this, take me in right now. I have had a lot of neck and head injuries. I can not walk heel to toe. But I'm sober."

I was right on both counts. I wobbled instead of walked, she took me "downtown" (actually, to an undisclosed suburban police station), I blew in a tube ... and I was sober.

It would have saved us both a lot of trouble if I had just practiced my heel to toe before leaving the bar that night ...


Pic from a university web story about students drinking to do perp walks for student cops.

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